So what happened for the past 24 hours?

I fell sick, fever, was suffocating from the damn thing, which by the way it was the weirdest fever that I've ever had as it was only JUST fever, nothing else, no cough, no sore throat, no nothing. So that's just weird.

Well, when I was back in school, I would get really hyped up whenever I'm sick, cause I get to skip school. LOL! But now, I'm working for RM100 per day, so if I don't work, no cash, and due to my financial crisis at the moment, I really gotta work my ass off.

I just earned RM50 less today, due to the half day leave.

Why did I fell sick? =.=

Oh well.

Hmm.

"NFTB"

It's a little while more till lunch, and I'm having it with ahem ahem . =P

Well, due to the fact that my house is currently under renovation and NO INTERNET CONNECTION.

I am unable to blog, and I owe me, and some people a few piece of article.

Hopefully I can write them la.

Since I'm gonna receive my first pay by this week, and after chatting with my dear sister regarding to finance issue, where I feel unspeakably stress while talking to her about it, I don't think I can save much on my first pay.

So that's a month longer till getting an iPhone.

I might not get the iPhone4, cause till then the new iPhone might be out already, or gonna be out in a month more, who knows? hehe

Oh well, I'm about to go down now.

Can't wait to see my ahem ahem. =P

"NFTB"

I think I just had the best time I had this year, it beats everything.

It's mostly because two of the subject are actually having the same feelings for each other, that's my assumption la, hopefully it's not wrong.

I do hope things work out, for some reason which I'm not clear of, I have this feeling of I'm actually having a relationship with someone HERE, yes it's finally HERE, which we are taking things at a really slow pace which I'm enjoying every moment of it.

Was surprised by JC's early xmas gift, I was stunned, mentally and physically, and I acted out a lil weird due to the overwhelmed feelings that I was feeling, no I am feeling. I'm still feeling it now. LOL.

Anyway, I guess there's only one thing one my Christmas wishlist this year.

It's quite obvious what it is la, just hope someone grant me that wish eh.

"NFTB"

p.s:

Dear JC, Thanks for everything. =)

I never felt this way in a long time.

From a point, I feel that it's finally here, but yet things are to explore.

I've never done this the slow way, and you're giving me the chance to experience it., which I'm really grateful for.

I had a great time, and I hope you did too.

I can't wait for out next meetup, it should be a blast.

Anyway, I think fate likes to throw something at you when your least expecting something, especially when you thought of things might be the same for the rest of the year but it turns out not, hopefully not.

For that, I am grateful for what has happened to me.

I don't mind if this doesn't work out, but for the time being, I'm just happy.

"NFTB"

Subject: JC

Scene: the exact scene while we were talking in the car.

story:

J: Do you have the intension of kissing me?

L: *shy* huh? what? of course no. *was thinking inside, hell yeah!*

LOL

This is what I dream yesterday. This is damn awkward.

"NFTB"

JC,

I wanna thank you with all my heart for what you did for me.

I'm touched in a way where I have not felt like this before for a long time.

You've enlightened me with what you've done.

Thank you.

"NFTB"

News just in, it's officially that me and my sis's phone had been cut off the credit card auto billing list, and according to my mom, it's my dad's doing, which I highly couldn't find the point of him doing this.

Regardless of whatever crap that he's going through right now, he should be paying for everything as I'm his son, but I highly doubt he thinks that way.

So how am I feeling now? I'm feeling that this person who lives at my mum's house is a really pathetic guy and he just couldn't get out of his misery.

He had a family that cares about him, but he just didn't gave a shit, then cheated on his wife with another lady for almost two years now.

He's now, rotting at home, doing nothing but hogging the single couch in the living room, watching new on the tv and his laptop while playing his stupid bejeweled game, which I highly think that he's listening to any crap that the tv or the laptop says. This is just playing mean.

I don't even know if he's looking for a job.

How hard is it to get a job?

It's whether you wanna lower down your pride and beg others to give you that job, then slowly eat them from within. This is how you do things, not go in an interview bs-ing about how good you are.

Anyway, I've run this through my mind.

One day, after my degree and I've obtain an ok job, this is what I will say.

" eff you, you're the worst dad ever."

"NFTB"

Hmm. I went clubbing.

Well, it's the first time, and the last time for the next few years.

LOL.

It's a really interesting/memorable encounter.

I'll blog about it, I seriously will write a 600 word article about this.

But of course not now, or in this week.

I'm so god damn busy with KLPac that I have not time cut my hair.

Oh well, it's really challenging when everything moves at a fast pace.

Stay tuned, if you wanna know what has happened.

"NFTB"

When you're on the path of self discovery, I guess it's best to not wonder around.

I had been wrong, from the beginning of life, I always thought that life was meant to explore, but see what exploring got me?

I've got nothing except for problems, unwanted thoughts flowing through my brain like oxygen on earth.

So, I should just stick to be being a 18 year old fresh graduate teenager.

Not knowing what the hell is out there, in short terms, act dumb.

"NFTB"

It was written on Peisan's ipod who had been stolen.

This is the story of the boy.
Who came out to his sister and mother.
He thought, of all the people in the world, the so called family members will understand and support what he's going through, but it seems that things aren't what we always expected.

The thing is, he doesn't really gets why when the truth is out, things are worst than when he's lying to their face.

Does losing faith his famliy bothers him?
Yeah, actually it does. He's too dissapointed with all the crap that's going on.
When things got to a certain level, there's no point of letting them understand anymore.
This is how and what they think, and so how can there be an agreement?
For this sickening home of his, he's tired of trying so hard to let they understand.
He's leaving.
From a point, it looks like he's not coming back.

Do they know how he feels?
Do they know what he thinks?
From the begining it's all about them saving their ass.


This is the story of the boy.
Who once thought that family was what we can count on.
But now, things changed.



"NFTB"

Regarding to what I've said about heading to Singapore 7th of Jan next year.

I've began to wonder, whether should I do what I've said.

Well, you asked the question why did I want to go there,

the reasons that I can think of is that I want to spend time with someone who I enjoy talking to, but that person doesn't seems to appreciate what I'm doing here.

Not that I want your full attention, but a message would be nice.

After tons of thinking, I don't think I should go, as I think there'll people out there appreciating my existence.

I guess things are better to left it this way. I have to put a stop to this, I couldn't bare this to grow anymore.

Although there's no one that I know of appreciate my existence, but I'll wait, I'll have faith, hoping for that one day he/she will come in to my life.

Until then, I wouldn't mind being like this for the next 10/20 years?

Anyway, I just can't wait for the payday to come.

I want my iphone 4 so badly.

"NFTB"

Have you ever thought of ending your life?

I have, and the thought of killing myself has popped up more than before.

Just because of I can't find a particular reason for myself to live longer this particular moment, it doesn't mean that I wouldn't find one in the future.

With the theory above, it leads down to one thing, having faith.

Currently, I have no faith, no to believe in anything, or at least, I don't know what to believe.

To live, is to see what on the other end of life....?

I don't know, what if that end is nothing, plain nothing?

I really don't know what to do now.

Mass media is one of the reason I find why am I so unbalanced.

Maybe killing oneself is not such a great idea, how about one happened to be in an accident?

Would that makes things easier?

As in, it just happen within a snap, and you're dead.

Hmm. That's fast enough.

Who am I?

Can't find the purpose of living no more, can I die?

When you're caught up with all the stress, and you've got no where to turn to,

I finally knew why a lot of American homosexual teens killed themselves, which turns out to have all these "it gets better campaign".

I've never felt lonelier than what I'm feeling.

I'm no longer a part of school. so it makes me no longer a part of anything.

Friends?

Family?

I shut down myself from them, for some reasons.

Tears dripped, as I was writing this piece, I had no idea why it did.

I'm too lost, lost till a certain level, I think life is pointless.

Face it, I'm homosexual, I'm not gonna end up attached with kids.

So where's the point of living?

The luxurious life?

I rather die now than go out hunting for money for the rest of my life.

People that I used to think that will be there, are no longer there.

"NFTB"

Random Maximus

Dear blog, I know I've not been writing for ages, well, I intended to write something in those nights where I find myself really really lost, and wanting something to make yourself feel useful in this world, but yet, my ass is too big to move, so I'm still in the progress of thinking, rather than doing. LOL! But anyway, since now I have tons of time on my hand while being in Mid Valley with 63% of battery left, I'm gonna write about everything that I've been through, for the past weeks. =)

To start off, GRADUATION.

YEAH! I have officially graduated from secondary high, which is the happiest moment of my 18 years of life, which I'm saying goodbye to the typical secondary society that I've been living in for the past 6 years, and yet it's time for me to fly off to experience this world of unknowns.

Just so to let myself remember in 20 years time, I did cry in the ceremony, but I just hold myself back, especially seeing my chemistry teacher *awwww*, other than that I was really happy about graduating. I kept my cool till the gate, until I saw a whole bunch of HHSB mates, and I just burst out in tears, while hugging WanJie. Well, it's a total different story between school friends and band mates. Band mates are more of a friends that have age differences gathered together and play music, while playing music, we learn to live together, plus, don't forget the never ending practices/rehearsals/sectionals that we have to attend. To cut it short, we're closer than we think we are. =)

2. Graduation trip

It was loads of fun hanging out with Harmony peeps, I mean, we've been through a lot, like a lot, don't remind me of the drama. LOL. I'm grateful for being a part of the Harmony peeps, I've grown in the environment, I've learnt a lot from people that I've encountered with, plus, friends that you would want to have for the rest of your life.

Thank you all. =)

3. Prom Night

To be honest, I never wanted to go, but since the host is PeiSan and Betty, well I've got to show face. I tried to enjoy the night with the Harmony peeps regardless of the lousy food and music, I didn't say anything, until I got poured water at for nothing.

So let me explain, when the event went to the last section which is the dancing part, well, they could have just put on some clubbing mix or something for everyone to dance and have fun, but no, they put on waka waka, I think, and expect everyone to dance the same thing, hello, this is not flash mob rehearsal ok? Anyway, then some idiots started with the water playing, which after I knew, I moved myself to a save area which is really far away from the water playing area. While I was holding my phone, a lil posing, some bastard poured water at my area, which I ended up to be wet, and then I broke.

I'm actually really ANGRY regarding what happen to me. I did pay for RM50 for the enterence fee, do you know what is a RM50 bill capable of?

In conclusion, PROM NIGHT SUCKS!

LOUSY FOOD, LOUSY MUSIC, LOUSY CROWD.

Well, I never wanted to say this or post this out, but after getting poured water at, hell no.

As I've said on facebook.

I only have one life, if I don't speak up for myself, who would?

I gave my face by paying RM50 to show up the event, please don't blame me for not giving face, you're not the one who got poured.

End of discussion.

4. The future?

Hmm. Well, I might need to hunt for a job soon, besides that, there's an up coming concert at KLPac from 17th to 19th of December. We're playing Nutcraker by Tchaikovsky.

I seriously need to practice more eh, my technical skills had dropped a lot. =(

Oh well, I guess music to me is really not a thing in my future. =(

5. Uni

Everyone is like asking this, I'm a lil afraid when people asks this, cause I'm not even sure myself.

The options are between

Mass Comm? Econ/Finance? Sociology? Music?

and then it comes the 2nd question, WHERE?

This is such a pain in the ass, figuring out what to study. =S

Oh well, the dramas of life.

"NFTB"

I'm gonna go out later and I won't be home for another 5 days?

Yeap.

I'M GOING ON MY GRADUATION TRIP. =)

Yeah, it's the first time going on a school trip rather than band trips.

I'm actually quite looking forward in hanging out with my friends as it's the last time we're gonna hang together before everything REALLY drifts apart.

Later going to Jusco BKT for Greenbox. hehe..

Anyway, I need to go do my last minute packing, as some stuff are still not stuffed inside the bag yet.

Lastly,

HAPPY BIRTH TO MR. LUFFY CHEN WEI KEAT. =)

"nftb"

Why do we blog?

We blog, because it's fun.

We blog, because it's the only time that you face whatever you're feeling, no matter you're sad or happy, you just write everything down.

We blog, because we want people to give concern.

We blog, because someone may like you for who you are rather than just a picture of muscles.

We blog, because we're bored. =P

We blog, as things are unorganized, it's a way to make it organized.

We blog, etc.

Can't think of anymore.

This is just too random, never thought it through while writing it.

Oh well.

"NFTB"

I'm overwhelmed by feelings that I can't really describe.

1. I'm GRADUATING tomorrow. =)

2. I wanna play my online game, but someone is watching pps. phuck. =(

3. I'm desperate for the things that aren't necessary.

4. I'm about to explode soon. phuck phuck phuck phuck.

Off to bed.

"NFTB"

Dear blog, I know I've not been blogging much, it's mostly because I'll be dead tired whenever I'm facing you, and it's usually from all the after-exam activities that are going on right now.

It's up to a certain degree that life is just really beautiful right now, as everything is moving at such a fast pace that you can never get every little detail in the picture, but yet, not every little detail is good, so, I would want life to be in this speed, where I think I can sure live life to the fullest without any regret or what so ever.

Anyhow, I'm up so early because I need to be at the volleyball court by 7am, which I highly think that I'm gonna be late. =P

Today's the finals, so all the best to my fellow harmony volleyman. =)

"NFTB"

Alright, I promise I'll blog more eh. =)

Maybe someday I could in portraits like above.

Maybes and the power of Ifs.

Been not blogging for the past few days.

I guess, when you're half studying/not studying, it stills equals up to studying, by so it means time consuming.

So, I'll update a long long post when I'm done with this shit.

"NFTB"

oh, and 1 thing to blog about.

You know when you are one of the frequent consumer of starbucks and mostly all of the staff knows you.

When I went and asked about the form regarding to the job, the girl that served me was like:"wth?" haha

Really, she had the face on and I knew exactly what she's thinking.

oh well, after this shit, I'm gonna send loads of emails regarding temp jobs, already send 2 this early morning.

off to bed.

Don’t Quit

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you’re trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low, and the debts are high,
And when you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest if you must, but don’t you quit.

Life is odd with its twists and turns,
As everyone of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about,
When he might have won had he stuck it out,
Don’t give up though the pace seems slow,
You may succeed with another blow.

Success is failure turned inside out,
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far,
So stick to the fight when you’re the hardest hit,
It’s when things seem worst, that you must not quit

Quoted.

"NFTB"

The Day has come.

They day has come.

For us to take our jackets, IC, pens and pencils, 准考证 to step foot in the hall that we've spent 6 years there.

It's finally here, of 6 years, this is the moment that we've been waiting for.

As for me, I'm quite relieved that it's finally here.

No more useless struggling as it's already here and you don't exactly have the time eat all 6 textbooks for each subject, so just let it.

To be honest to myself, I know I'm gonna fail, big time.

As for the study leave, I've not been studying the way I should be.

So, let go, just let things fall into the order of what has meant to be fated.

Why the struggle? There's already no more time left.

And to my fellow friends who are sitting for UEC for the next few years.

Please be sure that you get everything ready before 预考.

That's the only to keep your grades up high.

What I can say is that, UEC is a paper that tests not only the knowledge of studying, and the endurance of how long can stand reading the same paragraph of a particular text book after a lot of times.

So, my best advise for you guys is that, please study hard at the starting of the year, like really hard.

Hand in everything on time even though you've got to sleep at 3 am everyday.

I tell you, it's worth it.

Alright, I'm off to dinner now, and back to school after that.

And lastly, are you guys ready?

Best regards to all.

"NFTB"

Technically 2 more days to UEC.

Hmmm.

I've got seriously no idea how am I gonna go through this.

This is like those one in a life time crisis.

Well, to make things sound a little better, the only subject that I can study for more then 30 minutes is math. So that's kinda a good thing right? But the others, ahem ahem.

I really know I'm gonna die this time, no one's gonna save me unless I pull it together.

Despite the fact that I know I'm gonna die, but I 'm still not doing anything.

God bless me?

"NFTB"

Quoted:

Slowly drowning in my sorrow

Wishing things would be better tomorrow

Feeling like I am in an ocean of doubt and despair,

gradually sinking and gasping for air.

Knowing life is not a light switch you can flip on and off

Simply settling and accepting I have to carry on.

Trying to keep my sanity and composure intact

out of fear of how those close to me, might react.

Fears of inadequacy as a human, as a woman, burry themselves deep in my head

As I make a foolish attempt to have a good night's rest in my lumpy bed.

Due to the fact that there are others out there ten times better than I,

makes me afraid and let out defeated sighs.

Since it seems like things will always be this way,

its frustrating because I have to go through it day after day.

Yet, when my quandaries are more than I can bare,

I can at least take comfort in those who really care.

You know who you are, and so do I.

That knowledge keeps me from going over the edge, from giving up and giving in.

'NFTB'

Actually, I in this current stage because of my doings, and I have no idea why am I doing this to myself.

I guess it's the rejection that I can't accept.

I guess I'm just that weak, but according to you, admitting being weak is a sign of strength, I don't really agree with this point, but it does make a stand.

My dear wall-friend.

You've been here for me whenever I need you.

You didn't left, or given me the look.

You accept me as who and what I am.

I thank you for your presence, as I have created you.

"NFTB"

Some time, we just need a silent friend.

Today I'm gonna write about fate.

First and foremost, what is Fate?

After some googling, fate is the theory that everything happens just they way it is supposed to happen and all things and events are predetermined.

Well, for me, fate is a thing like god, you can't prove that he doesn't exist and yet can't prove that he does.

I do believe in fate, that everything is predetermined, but recently during one of my random thoughts, I came up with something rather stupid, or not.

Well, it's something that I call it "fate forcing", until I can think of a better name to call it.

I don't really know how to explain what the hell is "fate forcing", but it's something like this.

Just now while I was at Mid Valley, when I went into the washroom I saw this a-hem looking person, and he kinda looked at me, but I couldn't care less. After I was done with my business, he was still in the washroom, and then we walked out together. Maybe it was fated, or he intended to stay longer in the washroom due to other reasons which I have no idea.

Then I went off to dinner. When I was about to leave Mid Valley, I was walking randomly, then i saw the person again, so I kinda stay there and waited for few minutes and see whether something would happen or not, but nothing happened.

So, my point is, "fate forcing" is like you're creating the space for things to happen.

Maybe it'll, or it won't, who knows?

Just maybe it's because of you created a space for fate, things could change.

Anyhow, I'm gonna refine my thoughts and update on this.

This is just the idea, and it's kinda crappy.

I don't really know whether it make sense or not. =S

"NFTB"

Question: How do you cope with your lousy grades?

Answer: You don't cope with it. You practically die, because everyone gives you the "you're bs" face. Well, not everyone, just my mum and sis.

How should I put this, I never liked studying, although I'm not bad at it, I just never did like it.

Just so happens that I've got at 5_ for both english and chemistry paper, by all means I fail.

Explanations

Regarding my english paper, I've got 18 for my essay, and 7 for my summary.

And 32.5 for paper which is really low. I kinda screw up my direct/indirect and sentence structure.

Overall: I just suck at english, nothing more to say. It's either I accept the fact that I'm poor in english, or I was just really unlucky that day.

Chemistry

Well, I can actually pass this god damn paper, if I had type in the right number while calculating stuff, cause from all the answers that I've calculated are all wrong. So it's basically I have a retarded brain that can't differentiate between a 1 and a 5, or I was just so unlucky to press the wrong number on the calculator that day. I don't know.

I didn't know that I could be killed by two papers.

I don't even know what's wrong with myself for making such mistakes.

"NFTB"

As Doug told me, "some things are never meant to be known"

As I lay me down
Heaven hear me now
I'm lost without a cause
After giving it my all

Winter storms have come
And darkened my sun
After all that I've been through
Who on earth can I turn to?

[Chorus:]
I look to you,
I look to you
After all my strength is gone
In you I can be strong
I look to you,
I look to you
And when melodies are gone In you I hear a song
I look to you

Have to lose my breath
There's no fighting left
Sinking to rise no more
Searching for that open door

And every road that I've taken
Led to my regret
And I don't know if I'm go'n make it
Nothing to do but lift my head

[Chorus]

My levees are broken
My walls are coming down on me
My rain is falling
Defeat is calling
I need you to set me free
Take me far away from the battle
I need you
Shine on me!

[Chorus]

I think this song is what I'm feeling right now.

I'm a weird person, I've got tons of friends but I'm only really out to one or two.

What's with that?

Anyhow, I need something to look to.

A dream, A motivation, A someone, I think.

Just something to kick myself out of this situation.

Someone help?

"NFTB"

On the other hand, to hell with what I thought.

I'm Liko. Thoughts don't bring me down that easily.

"NFTB"

Depression

At this hour of the day, is the hour that kills me the most, by that I mean --- Depression.

Teenagers suffer depression, who doesn't, but the point is how do we cope with them.

I'm no expert in coping with depression, but I've tried to keep my thoughts positive so that I would die because of it, which I totally won't do so.

Although things hasn't been going the way I wanted, but I'm still breathing, so just suck it up and go on with it.

Life is filled with endless ups and downs. A minute you're up and the next you might be even lower than you were before, but that doesn't stop us from moving, does it?

I've been told that we only live once, if we don't fight for ourselves, who will?

But the thing that I'm feeling now is that I'm not happy with myself, like those anxious teenage girl.

I've so went through that stage, but what I'm trying to state here is that I'm not happy with myself as I don't know who am I, and what the hell am I doing.

I've changed from a this self centered person that complains about everything that bugs him to someone who just accept facts that is changes everything and just watch them go by.

What happened to me? I've lost all the will to change things, to make things better, to have a brighter future.

I'm just talking crap here.

"NFTB"

But the thing is. although so much have happened, I still got no idea who am I.

'NFTB'

I don't know which one is worst, me escaping from what I've gotta do, or me not doing what I should do.

Escaping no1

Blogging issue. I've always wanted to write something, but every time I came here, I've got nothing to say, which makes me jump from pages to pages.

Escaping no2

I've gotta study, but when? I've gave the time enough to gather myself and start mugging up. Hopelessly, I'm still where I am.

Escaping no3

I wanted to practice, I did, for a while. The practice wasn't up till standard.

Anyhow, I came to the conclusion that when I've got too much thoughts on my mind, I can never write something. I mean, I've been watching way too many movies this recent, from something serious like Wall Street to The Curiosity of Chance. Movies that I can finish are mostly quite interesting, well, at least that's what I tell myself after spending so much time on a particular film. It's either you sit in the cinema for 2 hours, or you just non stop clicking the next video button on youtube. Anyhow, I find that movies are such a great way to gain your knowledge, as for experience wise. I know they're only actors acting what they've been told to act, but I always wanted to feel more than just seeing them act, am I even making sense? LOL! Who cares.

Since I don't know much about economy and so the movie Wall Street made a huge impression of how money works in Wall Street. Well, I just haven't thought that it would be something like that. Anyway, the main plot about this movie is HUMANITIES. Everything comes from there.

Whether you're a good person, or a bad person, humanities lies between everything.

I do believe in second chances though, cause when it comes, it comes.

I think I'm gonna buy the book and read eh, since my english is getting worst, and mostly there's this line in the movie that I like really much. It was something about insanity.

"We do the same things over and over, and hoping for a different answer. That's called insane."

I don't know, that's all I could remember.

Anyone who knows the line, feel free to tell me.

I woke up around 5 something this morning, which makes me feel really dizzy right now.

I mean, I'm actually typing words with the feeling of everything is turning around. LOL!

I really gotta sleep now.

Good night.

I'll update tomorrow.

"NFTB"

Remember the post 给一辈子的朋友

I'm gonna write about that, cause today is our 2 year anniversary, which from a point it's quite weird with the term "anniversary", it's like we're married or something. =...=?

Anyhow, I think I'll force myself to write a 600 words essay, if it's possible but highly not. try la. =)

NOT NOW la.

Cause gotta think points to write, and the main thing is I'm freaking hungry now, as I only had bread for dinner which was aorund 6pm? LOL.

I'm gonna post tomorrow or the day after tomorrow.

"NFTB"
Happy 2 year anniversary to JOJO TAN, ZZ KOAY, ELEPHANT SAN, LEEN SUE.

Cheers. =)

就在刚才读得无奈的那一瞬间，我将那卡片拿了出来

读了上面写的东西后，觉得不可思议。

看似简单的文字，但却给我许多的冲劲。

若你现在还在隔一条海峡的国家，我想我应该不是现在这懒散的我。

事情没办法改变

任命吧

化学 F9

我来了。

"NFTB"

My house modem's wifi died on me and I don't know why.

It has makes me kinda nuts after if went off, I can't online, which makes things worst by me wanting to online more.

I'm such an online addict. =S

I seriously got to change this habit when I go to uni, or else I will suffer like hell.

I so hate chemistry now. =S

If life is like this.

Don't study chem -------> F9 for chem ---------> Get into random uni

--------> random job? -----------------> die

Hmmmm.

That would be a lil simple but yet it's so tempting.

Simplicity rocks! :0

LOL. Enough of crap talking.

"NFTB"

Gotta go to school tomorrow for bio lect.

I know why would I like to go clubbing in the future.

IT'S GOOD MUSIC!

"NFTB"

I'm feeling rather good at this point, although tomorrow's my maths paper, but still, I don't care. I just wanna enjoy this moment where joy is being felt from deep within.

I've always know that life is full of ups and downs, but just never thought of being back in the up part after so many downs.

I think, I kinda found my way, by that I mean, I see myself in the future.

I've decided, Mass Comm it is, and it's not here, it's Singapore Polytechnic.

I know it's gonna cost a lot, but I think I'm gonna gain a lot as well.

So, since I'm gonna work there and pay back the study loan that I've loaned, so why not choose the best education that you're capable of? Well, at least that's what I think.

Although my grades aren't that good, but I don't think their requirement is that high either, well, at least not like NTU or NUS.

So, the possibility of me getting in higher than both of them, and all I got to do now is to study well, and get "good" results.

Hmmm. I think, somehow I might change my thoughts about what I'm gonna study.

Yeah, I think I will, but for what matter mosts is that I need to study which I'm not really doing a lot lately. =S

So, if anything changes, I'll sure update this "dead space".

And to my readers, which I know is not a lot.

THANK YOU

KAM SA HA MI DA

谢谢

TERIMA KASIH

ARIGATO

GAM SIA

DO JIE

For reading my blog.

Singing off.

"NFTB"

Right, I've wasted too much time.

Or at least, that's what I think.

I've not been writing cause things has been quite weird for me.

By that I mean, all the things happened lately just couldn't sum up to a point.

So, I'm not writing.

I've been feeling like this PMS-ing bitch for quite some time.

As I gets angry easily. I feel like yelling all the time, at people who has done nothing to me (but I didn't yell la of course).

Maybe I'm just angry at myself for being what I am right now.

But I'm just gonna let it be, until something changes.

Or at least, I'll get provoked, then I'll start working my ass off again, but till, just let it be.

"NFTB"

Anyway, got school later.

STUDY STUDY STUDY. =S

Finally gonna write something.

Erm.

What did I do today?

Well, woke up feeling a piece of crap due to reasons that I've got no idea why my stupid brain thinks that way.

The thing is that it slipped my mind when you put your hand over my should, then unconsciously, I grabbed your hand.

That's really weird, cause you and him are really similar people.

I reached home, found out that, I'm really lonely.

I've not admitted being lonely since I got back from Singapore, and you kinda made me realized that.

I don't know.

Maybe I gotta change myself, like Kelly Clarkson.

There's only a week left before the exam, and yet, I'm not giving a shit about the exam.

What has gone wrong?

I kept forgiving myself for the shitty results that I'm getting, and yet I'm not doing anything trying to improve myself.

"NFTB"

Should I not think this much?

Should I just let it be?

I think I should just let it be, cause no matter what's the results, I've accepted the fact that I'm gonna be stuck in this box, forever.

I don't get it, why am I doing this to myself.

This it's not the first time.

I kept playing with fire, got burnt, and kept playing with it..

"NFTB"

I'm online right now, I still can't believe it, it's so weird being online with the netbook in school with Wanjie's broadband. hmmm

Well, two days of school and the things I miss the most is practicing everyday in front of the band room then head to dinner with really really cool peeps.

But I don't have much time left, do I.

That's the thing I'm gonna miss the most.

Oh, and there's another one.

I'm gonna miss having breakfast with all of you guys everyday, it has became something that you've gotta do everyday when you come to school, even though you're not eating breakfast, you just come and sit there and enjoy the presence of each other.

Yeah, that's another thing I'll miss about my secondary school life.

"NFTB"

I think there should be more things that I don't wanna forget.

I'll keep updating if I thought of any. =)

What should I say more, this songs just described what is on my mind right now.

"NFTB"

I can't get this out of my mind.

@_@

"NFTB"

I wanna say, I've just finished the stupid chinese essay.

WOOTS.

HAPPY TO THE MAX

I never thought of finishing it, but I did.

So, I should be proud of myself? No.

Cause I did loads of research on the stupid topic and I did a lot summarization.

So, basically my essay is a condense version of tons of web article.

Wanjie said it's kinda phucked up, but I say, who cares if it's phucked up, I don't phucking iPhone 4 care.

Overall, goodbye to stupid chinese essay.

I'm feeling super gay now. =)

'NFTB'

p/s: sorry for the non stop using of the phuck word, just really feeling like using it today.

I DON'T PHUCKING IPHONE 4 CARE! HAHAHAHHA

WHY AM I WRITING IN CAPS LOCK?

BECAUSE I'M FREAKING FREAKING PISSED AT THE STUPID CHINESE ESSAY.

I'VE GOT NO PHUCKING IDEA HOW TO WRITE THAT STUPID ESSAY.

MY GOD, WHO GIVES YOU A STUPID STORY AND WANTS YOU TO COME UP WITH YOUR OWN TOPIC, LIKE SERIOUSLY, WHAT THE PHUCKED?

SINCE I'M NOT GOOD IN BOTH OF THE LANGUAGES THAT I SPEAK,

HOW AM I GONNA WRITE A PHUCKING CHINESE ESSAY WITH NO TOPIC?

I DON'T GET IT, THAT STUPID PIECE OF SHIT IS STRESSING THE HELL OUT OF ME.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH/.

PHUCK YOU CHINESE ESSAY.

I've been staring at this space for like 15 minutes.

Nothing came out.

There's so much anger inside me.

I wanna run, but where to?

I wanna scream, but where to?

I wanna be in your arms, but where?

"NFTB"

I gotta get back up, to where I was.

This is not who I am, and not what I want to be.

Well, everything leads to your own desire of whether to do it or not.

If you don't wanna do it, no matter how you force yourself, you won't do it.

I think I should do talk to mind more, to let it think that I've got no more time left to goof around.

"NFTB"

Super a-yer-ness

What the hell am I doing?

Is this the life that you wanted?

I don't know.

I can't figure out what I want anymore, or to a point, I'm just trying make myself suffer.

I don't know.

"NFTB"

God, I need to awake myself.

It feels so good to be home, especially when you went to an under developed country.

It's not that I'm complaining that my mum put so much effort for taking us there, it's just that I don't like Bali, it was not what I expected.

It's such a ..... place, I can't even find words to describe the place.

Maybe it's because of the place that I stayed so I'm not really fond of the place, but all the food I ate were really lousy, the best I had was KFC, seriously, KFC.

Yeah, I rather go to Singapore for 10 times than going there once more.

And thank god, I'm home again.

I miss my home.

To you.

You were on my mind the whole trip.

While waiting for time to pass, I kinda pictured us going on a real trip, not like the last one we had.

I don't know, cause some part of me still wants to linger on, but the other part just wants to run away, but there's no one to run to, so that leads back to you.

Aiks, dilemma.

"NFTB"

Off to bed, gotta do math when I wake up later.

Found this insanely good Japanese song.

Well, got stuck to the song is mostly because of the choir behind. hahha.

Plus, the singer looks like my chemistry teacher. LOL!!

"NFTB"

Been not writing for the past few days, well, I just couldn't think of anything in particular to write.

I've been staring at this page for way too long to think up something to write, which I kinda lose my temper and go onto facebook. Anyway, I'm gonna write something, now.

I've been sleeping a lot lately, well I'm not those type of people that sleeps a lot, but recently, I'm sleeping a lot.

Well, I slept this much because I found out that sleeping could make time goes faster, and I don't have think.

It's not that I have a lot to think about, it's just that when I let my mind wonder around, and it kinda leads to you, which isn't a good thing, but I've not been missing you that much eh, but still, you're the last person I wanna think about.

So sleeping has become my new best friend, he's there whenever you need him. =)

理想

什么是理想？

我的理想又是什么？

或许我的理想早已在我发现这社会的现实时，离我而去

但我现在还是有我的理想，它不是那种如拯救世界般伟大的理想

它很简单，简单的程度，会让我觉得有点堕落

现在的理想

上大学：随便上一所容易念的大学，考个还可以的成绩出来，然后呢，就看成绩如何，够好的华，就出国拿master，不好的话，就开始做工。

我不懂，或许我把理想的定义扭曲了，但在这现实的体系低下，

这就是很理想的理想了，因为你未必能确保你上的了大学，你不能确保你能顺利地毕业，你不能确保能找到一份工作。所以，谈何拯救世界般的理想呢？

I don't know what do I really want.

All I know is that, I wanna move pass this stage and see what's gonna happen next.

'NFTB'

Below, are the things I wrote on Peisan's ipod.

Well, it may not be the best essay in world, but it's coming from a guy that experienced it.

Love
What is love? For me, I'll say it's that weird feeling you have when you're with someone you like, well, you can't really tell whether it's love you're feeling or not. Some times you gotta make a few turns, had a few bumps on the head then you finally realize what's love. I can't say that I know exactly what is love, but to my definition, yeah, I think I experienced it.

Things might be hard, but we don't stop trying because it's hard, we try even more because it's hard, and you just want see what on the other side and so you don't stop trying.

Everyone has their own definition for love, and I believe everyone has done something crazy for the people they love. Maybe from a third person view, the things you've did could be really insane or stupid, but you wouldn't know what's the feeling. The feeling of meeting someone after so much time, the excitement, your heart just pounds really fast and you kinda lost track of the world when you thought of meeting him.

I have experienced what a 18 year old could ever experienced. Should I say I'm just lucky? Or should I say everything was fated. I grew, was once this boy who didn't know how to love and after meeting you, things changed, I've changed.

Words couldn't explain how I'm feeling. It's a combination of happiness and sadness. Randomness just wouldn't stop wondering in my mind. I can't do anything about this fated future, but all I could do right now is to prepare myself to fight against this world.

'NFTB'

So, I've turn a few rounds, bump my head against the wall for quite few times, only to realize that how important you are in my life. I would never be where I am without your existence. Thank you really really much.

"NFTB"

Had a great day today.

While watching Love Disguise, I teared.

I didn't know why I teared, I think, most of us don't know why we teared.

I teared, as the movie scene was really touching, the things he said, and the I thought of you.

Hmmm.

And so, the movie ends.

Everything was left there.

I'm still feeling good.

"NFTB"

Gosh, I hate school.

And so it seems I really feel that way.

It's back to the same questions with the Ifs.

Life isn't like that, there aren't any ifs.

'NFTB'

Well, aren't things different.

But I rather I didn't know what you told me.

Hmm.

It really sucks huh?

The position we're in.

"NFTB"

Well, aren't things different.

But I rather I didn't know what you told me.

Hmm.

It really sucks huh?

The position we're in.

"NFTB"

Music is the only thing that could heal souls.

Why am I again so down?

Because I tend to believe that the most impossible things will some how happen.

How stupid of me.

Damn.

Kinda addicted to the song.

And the point of listening is because of the phrase

努力学习宽恕 原谅那错误

Yeah, forgiveness.

I need to forgive myself.

'NFTB'

What am I doing?

Basically, I'm just trying to sell myself.

Yeap, I'm that cheap.

'NFTB'

或许我知道自己的位子后

就不再努力了

我真的不再努力

因为即使在努力 也得不到想要的东西，也去不到要去的地方

为何自讨苦吃

或许外国的天空真得比较大

但是 失去意义的东西

就根本没理由继续追求

我就这样的堕落下去

NTU NUS　新加坡

算了吧

我没资格进

这边读inti, taylor's, sunway.

其实也不错嘛

一样能活

我很懦弱

我懂

我不想改

我很stubborn

积极完全消失了

"NFTB"

When the things you were fighting for changed it's way.

What will you do?

Will you still fight for it even though it's not the same anymore?

Or will you change your way, to find a better future?

Well, since you're not gonna be in Singapore anymore.

So, I wonder if there's still a point for me to go there?

I mean, should I even study that hard to get in?

This is not who I am.

Gosh.

Phucked up much?

'NFTB'

To you.

I highly doubt you'll ever read this.

but what the heck.

'NFTB'

WAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAH

I'M GOING A BIT NUTS RIGHT NOW.

I SERIOUSLY THINK I'M GONNA FLUNK MY BIO EXAM.

YEAH!!! =(

GOSH.

WHAT TO DO?

'NFTB'

我快人格分裂了吗？

现在脑里有两种态度

一个是 什么都不想管的态度

而这个态度又不完全的掌控

一个是很有上进，很积极的态度

但在那些积极的想法后面，总是很虚

怎么办？

'NFTB'

何谓现在这时段的痛苦？

看着课本

看着考题

就是痛苦

感觉就像 把自己的头 砸在地上

不停的砸， 砸到脑浆爆出来为此

金华老师所谓的尽力

就算拿个30分， 也较尽力

理科老师所谓的尽力

拿A才算吧尽力吧？

我不否认我很弱

人笨过猪就算了

努力也不过只有那两三下

怎么跟别人斗阿？

要放弃，又放不下

读书到底要来干嘛？

它，能吃的吗？

"NFTB"

Hmmm.

I wondering.

I have this headache which it's aching on the top of my head.

Is it the coffee or it's the knowledge that I'm trying to stuff into my lousy brain?

Hmm.

I bet it's the knowledge.

"NFTB"

One of the best flute orchestra I heard.

The harmony, the purity.

Really, it's to die for.

@_@

Man, I wanna start practicing again.

Anyway, while was eating dinner just now,

something occurred to me.

If I were given the chance to choose what I would want to do now.

What would it be?

Would it be music? Or would it be the other stuff that I had in mind?

Moving on, if I chose music, would I be complaining the same things as I am doing it now?

I really don't know.

Maybe I'll suffer, but I'll suffer with joy which is totally different from what I'm dealing with right now.

By far it seems that this is a circle.

A circle of the things you want but you couldn't get and when you got it you starts to complain about it.

Hmmm.

I do not want to become a person like that.

'NFTB'

Off to study.

What is studying all about?

Do we study for the knowledge?

Or we're just studying for the results?

I'm more to studying for the results.

As I was raised by a realistic mother, everything was about money.

I was told to be good at study so that I could get good grades which leads to scholarships and excellent universities.

But, what's the point?

When you get older, your brain starts to think on it's own.

Well, basically that's your thoughts.

And you found out that actually some issues that your parents told you are totally crap.

And yet you can't do anything about it, and you just say yes to whatever your mum tells you.

Argh.

Yesterday, during my bm paper.

A teacher came and told me if I'm still wearing low cut socks the next exam, she's gonna kick me out.

Hmmm, and I thought.

It's an exam, does your appearance affects anything?

I was a little pissed off for one sec, but then I realized that I should not be effected just because she's a walking mimic.

Sometimes, you find that some school rules which are totally brainless and doesn't effect your studies but the school are still embracing it.

What the hell.

Should I care more.

'NFTB'

Hmmm.

Well, I'm actually better from where I was.

So, screw all the things that brought me down.

=)

"NFTB"

I'm really happy, mentally, not physically.

You are the one who made me feel this way.

Thank you, really, thank you.

It's been a long time since I felt this way.

Maybe things will turn out to be something good, who knows?

Well, it might turn out to be something bad, but hope exist in every situation.

So, might as well think of the good side.

'NFTB'

Off to school now. =)

I need another story
Something to get off my chest
My life gets kinda boring
Need something that I can confess
Til' all my sleeves are stained red
From all the truth that I've said
Come by it honestly I swear
Thought you saw wink, no
I've been on the brink, so

Tell me what you want to hear
Something that were like those years
Sick of all the insincere
So I'm gonna give all my secrets away
This time, don't need another perfect line
Don't care if critics never jump in line
I'm gonna give all my secrets away

My god, amazing how we got this far
It's like we're chasing all those stars
Who's driving shiny big black cars
And everyday I see the news
All the problems that we could solve
And when a situation rises
Just write it into an album
Singing straight, too cold
I don't really like my flow, no, so

Onerepublic Secrets lyrics found on http://www.directlyrics.com.com/onerepublic-secrets-lyrics.html
Tell me what you want to hear
Something that were like those years
Sick of all the insincere
So I'm gonna give all my secrets away
This time, don't need another perfect line
Don't care if critics never jump in line
I'm gonna give all my secrets away

Oh, got no reason, got not shame
Got no family I can blame
Just don't let me disappear
I'mma tell you everything

So tell me what you want to hear
Something that were like those years
Sick of all the insincere
So I'm gonna give all my secrets away
This time, don't need another perfect line
Don't care if critics never jump in line
I'm gonna give all my secrets away

So tell me what you want to hear
Something that were like those years
Sick of all the insincere
So I'm gonna give all my secrets away
This time, don't need another perfect line
Don't care if critics never jump in line
I'm gonna give all my secrets away
All my secrets away, All my secrets away

我就是要等看到棺材才落泪

够犯贱吧？

Argh. Random thoughts.

"NFTB"

What the hell am I waiting for?

Gosh.

Can I grow a brain.

'NFTB'

And so, I'm at this point, again.

Really don't know which step to take next.

I'm stuck in between, like poop wanting to come out, but can't.

That's how I feel.

I love performing, and yet I have so much to learn.

I know I'll suffer if this is what I choose, but the thing is, between suffering from really hard maths and suffering to perform.

I would choose suffering to perform, well at least the suffering will come to an end with results than just marks.

grrrr.

woof woof.

"NFTB"

If the world ends now.

How nice.

物理老师问：

你的统考数学目标是什么？

我说：F9

这也太自暴自弃了吧？

"NFTB"

Gosh

Seriously, at this current period.

I need to find the center point where I can balance everything.

Too much to do.

So little time.

Gotta make more time.

'NFTB'

理和女生

篮球甲组冠军

实在太厉害了

我这种不会打球的娘炮

看到她们的努力时，无限自卑

不过这不是重点

理和

属于这个体系，第三年了

经历了风风雨雨

我们的努力

都不曾被人看见，也没必要

被轰，又不是第一次的事

我们的免疫力够好，也多亏这些内涵不够的人让我们成长

所以

还剩下的时间，继续努力。

正所谓

理和

HUAT啊

理和

HUAT啊

理和　理和　理和

HUAT啊～～～

"NFTB"