Maybe someday I could in portraits like above.

Maybes and the power of Ifs.

Been not blogging for the past few days.

I guess, when you're half studying/not studying, it stills equals up to studying, by so it means time consuming.

So, I'll update a long long post when I'm done with this shit.

"NFTB"

oh, and 1 thing to blog about.

You know when you are one of the frequent consumer of starbucks and mostly all of the staff knows you.

When I went and asked about the form regarding to the job, the girl that served me was like:"wth?" haha

Really, she had the face on and I knew exactly what she's thinking.

oh well, after this shit, I'm gonna send loads of emails regarding temp jobs, already send 2 this early morning.

off to bed.

Don’t Quit

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you’re trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low, and the debts are high,
And when you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest if you must, but don’t you quit.

Life is odd with its twists and turns,
As everyone of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about,
When he might have won had he stuck it out,
Don’t give up though the pace seems slow,
You may succeed with another blow.

Success is failure turned inside out,
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far,
So stick to the fight when you’re the hardest hit,
It’s when things seem worst, that you must not quit

Quoted.

"NFTB"

The Day has come.

They day has come.

For us to take our jackets, IC, pens and pencils, 准考证 to step foot in the hall that we've spent 6 years there.

It's finally here, of 6 years, this is the moment that we've been waiting for.

As for me, I'm quite relieved that it's finally here.

No more useless struggling as it's already here and you don't exactly have the time eat all 6 textbooks for each subject, so just let it.

To be honest to myself, I know I'm gonna fail, big time.

As for the study leave, I've not been studying the way I should be.

So, let go, just let things fall into the order of what has meant to be fated.

Why the struggle? There's already no more time left.

And to my fellow friends who are sitting for UEC for the next few years.

Please be sure that you get everything ready before 预考.

That's the only to keep your grades up high.

What I can say is that, UEC is a paper that tests not only the knowledge of studying, and the endurance of how long can stand reading the same paragraph of a particular text book after a lot of times.

So, my best advise for you guys is that, please study hard at the starting of the year, like really hard.

Hand in everything on time even though you've got to sleep at 3 am everyday.

I tell you, it's worth it.

Alright, I'm off to dinner now, and back to school after that.

And lastly, are you guys ready?

Best regards to all.

"NFTB"

Technically 2 more days to UEC.

Hmmm.

I've got seriously no idea how am I gonna go through this.

This is like those one in a life time crisis.

Well, to make things sound a little better, the only subject that I can study for more then 30 minutes is math. So that's kinda a good thing right? But the others, ahem ahem.

I really know I'm gonna die this time, no one's gonna save me unless I pull it together.

Despite the fact that I know I'm gonna die, but I 'm still not doing anything.

God bless me?

"NFTB"

Quoted:

Slowly drowning in my sorrow

Wishing things would be better tomorrow

Feeling like I am in an ocean of doubt and despair,

gradually sinking and gasping for air.

Knowing life is not a light switch you can flip on and off

Simply settling and accepting I have to carry on.

Trying to keep my sanity and composure intact

out of fear of how those close to me, might react.

Fears of inadequacy as a human, as a woman, burry themselves deep in my head

As I make a foolish attempt to have a good night's rest in my lumpy bed.

Due to the fact that there are others out there ten times better than I,

makes me afraid and let out defeated sighs.

Since it seems like things will always be this way,

its frustrating because I have to go through it day after day.

Yet, when my quandaries are more than I can bare,

I can at least take comfort in those who really care.

You know who you are, and so do I.

That knowledge keeps me from going over the edge, from giving up and giving in.

'NFTB'

Actually, I in this current stage because of my doings, and I have no idea why am I doing this to myself.

I guess it's the rejection that I can't accept.

I guess I'm just that weak, but according to you, admitting being weak is a sign of strength, I don't really agree with this point, but it does make a stand.

My dear wall-friend.

You've been here for me whenever I need you.

You didn't left, or given me the look.

You accept me as who and what I am.

I thank you for your presence, as I have created you.

"NFTB"

Some time, we just need a silent friend.

Today I'm gonna write about fate.

First and foremost, what is Fate?

After some googling, fate is the theory that everything happens just they way it is supposed to happen and all things and events are predetermined.

Well, for me, fate is a thing like god, you can't prove that he doesn't exist and yet can't prove that he does.

I do believe in fate, that everything is predetermined, but recently during one of my random thoughts, I came up with something rather stupid, or not.

Well, it's something that I call it "fate forcing", until I can think of a better name to call it.

I don't really know how to explain what the hell is "fate forcing", but it's something like this.

Just now while I was at Mid Valley, when I went into the washroom I saw this a-hem looking person, and he kinda looked at me, but I couldn't care less. After I was done with my business, he was still in the washroom, and then we walked out together. Maybe it was fated, or he intended to stay longer in the washroom due to other reasons which I have no idea.

Then I went off to dinner. When I was about to leave Mid Valley, I was walking randomly, then i saw the person again, so I kinda stay there and waited for few minutes and see whether something would happen or not, but nothing happened.

So, my point is, "fate forcing" is like you're creating the space for things to happen.

Maybe it'll, or it won't, who knows?

Just maybe it's because of you created a space for fate, things could change.

Anyhow, I'm gonna refine my thoughts and update on this.

This is just the idea, and it's kinda crappy.

I don't really know whether it make sense or not. =S

"NFTB"

Question: How do you cope with your lousy grades?

Answer: You don't cope with it. You practically die, because everyone gives you the "you're bs" face. Well, not everyone, just my mum and sis.

How should I put this, I never liked studying, although I'm not bad at it, I just never did like it.

Just so happens that I've got at 5_ for both english and chemistry paper, by all means I fail.

Explanations

Regarding my english paper, I've got 18 for my essay, and 7 for my summary.

And 32.5 for paper which is really low. I kinda screw up my direct/indirect and sentence structure.

Overall: I just suck at english, nothing more to say. It's either I accept the fact that I'm poor in english, or I was just really unlucky that day.

Chemistry

Well, I can actually pass this god damn paper, if I had type in the right number while calculating stuff, cause from all the answers that I've calculated are all wrong. So it's basically I have a retarded brain that can't differentiate between a 1 and a 5, or I was just so unlucky to press the wrong number on the calculator that day. I don't know.

I didn't know that I could be killed by two papers.

I don't even know what's wrong with myself for making such mistakes.

"NFTB"

As Doug told me, "some things are never meant to be known"

As I lay me down
Heaven hear me now
I'm lost without a cause
After giving it my all

Winter storms have come
And darkened my sun
After all that I've been through
Who on earth can I turn to?

[Chorus:]
I look to you,
I look to you
After all my strength is gone
In you I can be strong
I look to you,
I look to you
And when melodies are gone In you I hear a song
I look to you

Have to lose my breath
There's no fighting left
Sinking to rise no more
Searching for that open door

And every road that I've taken
Led to my regret
And I don't know if I'm go'n make it
Nothing to do but lift my head

[Chorus]

My levees are broken
My walls are coming down on me
My rain is falling
Defeat is calling
I need you to set me free
Take me far away from the battle
I need you
Shine on me!

[Chorus]

I think this song is what I'm feeling right now.

I'm a weird person, I've got tons of friends but I'm only really out to one or two.

What's with that?

Anyhow, I need something to look to.

A dream, A motivation, A someone, I think.

Just something to kick myself out of this situation.

Someone help?

"NFTB"

On the other hand, to hell with what I thought.

I'm Liko. Thoughts don't bring me down that easily.

"NFTB"

Depression

At this hour of the day, is the hour that kills me the most, by that I mean --- Depression.

Teenagers suffer depression, who doesn't, but the point is how do we cope with them.

I'm no expert in coping with depression, but I've tried to keep my thoughts positive so that I would die because of it, which I totally won't do so.

Although things hasn't been going the way I wanted, but I'm still breathing, so just suck it up and go on with it.

Life is filled with endless ups and downs. A minute you're up and the next you might be even lower than you were before, but that doesn't stop us from moving, does it?

I've been told that we only live once, if we don't fight for ourselves, who will?

But the thing that I'm feeling now is that I'm not happy with myself, like those anxious teenage girl.

I've so went through that stage, but what I'm trying to state here is that I'm not happy with myself as I don't know who am I, and what the hell am I doing.

I've changed from a this self centered person that complains about everything that bugs him to someone who just accept facts that is changes everything and just watch them go by.

What happened to me? I've lost all the will to change things, to make things better, to have a brighter future.

I'm just talking crap here.

"NFTB"

But the thing is. although so much have happened, I still got no idea who am I.

'NFTB'

I don't know which one is worst, me escaping from what I've gotta do, or me not doing what I should do.

Escaping no1

Blogging issue. I've always wanted to write something, but every time I came here, I've got nothing to say, which makes me jump from pages to pages.

Escaping no2

I've gotta study, but when? I've gave the time enough to gather myself and start mugging up. Hopelessly, I'm still where I am.

Escaping no3

I wanted to practice, I did, for a while. The practice wasn't up till standard.

Anyhow, I came to the conclusion that when I've got too much thoughts on my mind, I can never write something. I mean, I've been watching way too many movies this recent, from something serious like Wall Street to The Curiosity of Chance. Movies that I can finish are mostly quite interesting, well, at least that's what I tell myself after spending so much time on a particular film. It's either you sit in the cinema for 2 hours, or you just non stop clicking the next video button on youtube. Anyhow, I find that movies are such a great way to gain your knowledge, as for experience wise. I know they're only actors acting what they've been told to act, but I always wanted to feel more than just seeing them act, am I even making sense? LOL! Who cares.

Since I don't know much about economy and so the movie Wall Street made a huge impression of how money works in Wall Street. Well, I just haven't thought that it would be something like that. Anyway, the main plot about this movie is HUMANITIES. Everything comes from there.

Whether you're a good person, or a bad person, humanities lies between everything.

I do believe in second chances though, cause when it comes, it comes.

I think I'm gonna buy the book and read eh, since my english is getting worst, and mostly there's this line in the movie that I like really much. It was something about insanity.

"We do the same things over and over, and hoping for a different answer. That's called insane."

I don't know, that's all I could remember.

Anyone who knows the line, feel free to tell me.

I woke up around 5 something this morning, which makes me feel really dizzy right now.

I mean, I'm actually typing words with the feeling of everything is turning around. LOL!

I really gotta sleep now.

Good night.

I'll update tomorrow.

"NFTB"

Remember the post 给一辈子的朋友

I'm gonna write about that, cause today is our 2 year anniversary, which from a point it's quite weird with the term "anniversary", it's like we're married or something. =...=?

Anyhow, I think I'll force myself to write a 600 words essay, if it's possible but highly not. try la. =)

NOT NOW la.

Cause gotta think points to write, and the main thing is I'm freaking hungry now, as I only had bread for dinner which was aorund 6pm? LOL.

I'm gonna post tomorrow or the day after tomorrow.

"NFTB"
Happy 2 year anniversary to JOJO TAN, ZZ KOAY, ELEPHANT SAN, LEEN SUE.

Cheers. =)