So I was sitting at the coffee shop that I used to go during secondary school.

Ordered the fastest food available which was the fried dong fen.

Looking around at the students, the random strangers and the familiar faces that worked there.

I couldn't help it but grinned.

I really couldn't stop grinning, or stop showing that smile on my face.

There were simply too many memories, too many good ones and bad ones.

It's been too long since I felt this way.

Being glued to this current life, the endless due of assignments and tutorial works for god knows what.

The plate of fried dong fen and the cup of teh peng.

I would kill to relive that.

With my mates from band, class, and muffinz.

The purest joy.


"NFTB"

Hi. It's been a long while, I just don't know what mess have I gotten myself into.

I hate the feeling that every week, there are readings to be read, to be understood, summarised, answered and handed in.

I really hate that.

This is currently the 7th week of school and I've never felt so tired before since I got into university.

It's not about the fact that I procrastinate more than actually doing work.

I just don't feel motivated to do any of this shit.


Which leads to my constant anger of with what the hell I'm doing.

I know for a fact that I am capable to complete what I am supposed to, but then I just don't want to.

And I can't find the reason why.

It could be possible that I've been getting lazier since the day I started university, and I ended up where I am right now.

I just don't know what to do.

Weeks after weeks.
Doing the same shit, just trying not to fall back.
Trying to earn marks to get a good grade.

I'm sick and tired of everything here.

"NFTB"

There weren't any mics, you can hear that annoying aircond sound.

Just a lousy cam corder that can't even record HD.

The sound so grand, that almost brought me to tears.

We were only a high school band, with normal instruments.

But the sound, it's simply too beautiful.

I will be forever proud.

Proud of us, we managed to produce such good music.




"NFTB"

How I look at 4am.


I'm again stuck on writing this frigging report.
It's not hard, but then I'm just stuck.


"NFTB"

There are times that I wonder why I don't belong in that particular group of people, or why can't I befriend with that particular type of people.
Am I simply not good enough to be valued by the other party?
Or a lot of reasons more.

Of self hatred and self mocking.

Then I realize that I already have friends that I could count on till I die, why should I be bothered.
I'm a geek that plays music and computer games. Deal with it.

I guess there're times, where you can't help it to be struck by the superficial things in life.

Oh well. All iz well, except for the fact that I'm still not as progressive on my assignment.


"NFTB"

Since I need to start writing my blog style assignment, so thought of starting off with my own, since it has been a while.

Well, life's been okay I guess. Of heading to gym, like reluctantly, of killing assignments one by one, of working part time due to the high wage.

So yeah, that's about it.

and

the thing that keeps me excited, my birthday party! weee.

But there's still a lot to be done.


So, wait till the exams are over then I'll have to do everything within one week, which hopefully is possible.


Anyway, keep calm.



"NFTB"

The people you grow up with, they somehow become a part of your memories.
Like whatever event that you think of, they are always there.
Going through their instagram, is like reminiscing a part of you that you nearly forgotten.

For that, I'm grateful.



"NFTB"
ps: They means the two bitches above and a lot more. <3 p="">

Happy Birthday my dearest.

It's been 5 years since the photo on the left was taken.
It only hit me when I saw the picture, that it's been that long, I nearly forgot that such beautiful memories existed.
I have been blinded by the short sighted problems of now, and nearly forgot the beautiful memories that we've shared.

I am not the kid I used to be, wanting to camwhore here and there, and post it on facebook just trying let everyone know how awesome my life is.

We've grown, like obviously, just that I am grateful for what have I grown into for the past few years.

I know I still complain, but who am I without the complaining?
I will be always that guy that WILL CONTINUE THE SAME TOPIC AFTER FEW HOURS IT HAS PASSED.

It's nice to see everyone yesterday evening.
Everyone having a partner or a good friend to share the joy of celebrating the birthday of Jojo and to celebrate us.
We've grown from the gang of people that used to have breakfast at that particular table every morning into having dinner at Alexis.

We will forever be that group "bawah" people.
That group of "bawah" people that laughs at whatever shits and whatnot.

I love you all, without you all life wouldn't be complete.


"NFTB"

Quote of the day.

"I'm tired of my intelligence being insulted." - Joyce Koh


I guess after years of living in this fucked up nation, intelligence doesn't seem to matter anymore.
The government thinks that everyone have a below average IQ.

For the greater nation.

"NFTB"

By the end of this week marks the 7th week of continuous and planned working in the gym.
To be honest, it feels really good to be exercising on a daily basis, but I somehow don't get it why I kept on saying that I'm tired even though that the tiredness is still bearable. I don't really get it.

So yeah. good for me.


"NFTB"

I guess the main reason why I'm not excited at all about CNY is due to the fact that when you turn around and look at them, it's like, oh dear why such a mess.

I'm a kid, trying to grow up, there's already much burden as it is.
You, as an adult, a parent, why must your problems become mine.

I wouldn't expect people to understand how fucked up things are.

Anyway, happy CNY.

"NFTB"

You Need To Go After The Things You Want

Have you ever been emotion-shamed before? You know what I’m talking about, has someone ever made you feel bad for being honest, for putting yourself out there and articulating your feelings to them? It’s a rare thing to do these days, to really let yourself be raw and vulnerable. We live in an age of posturing. People hide behind their phones, they carefully curate their communication with other people, which makes honest moments few and far between. When one manages to slip itself in, it’s jarring. “You’re being so real with me right now,” the person on the receiving end says. “I don’t really know what to do with all of this truth. We’ve gone off-script. We’re like in the 70s or something.”

You don’t get anything you want by subscribing to the social rules of today. You remain frozen and in perpetual fear that you’ll come off as “crazy” to someone, you’re unhinged, you are officially seen as someone with no filter. God, I hate that term: no filter. What the hell does that even mean? Like, sorry, that I won’t lie and do this elaborate dance with you? Yes, I must be truly a loose cannon then!

Don’t follow these rules of modern love. They’re shit. Imagine yourself at age 90 and filled with regret. Imagine being surrounded with “what if”s and “how come”s and not being able to do anything about it because you’re too old now, you’ve been edged out of society and the only thing you have left to do now is die. That’s what will happen to you if you keep on holding the love in.

Let it out. Let the love out.

Read this quote by Harvey Milk.

Go after her. Fuck, don’t sit there and wait for her to call, go after her because that’s what you should do if you love someone, don’t wait for them to give you a sign cause it might never come, don’t let people happen to you, don’t let me happen to you, or her, she’s not a fucking television show or tornado. There are people I might have loved had they gotten on the airplane or run down the street after me or called me up drunk at four in the morning because they need to tell me right now and because they cannot regret this and I always thought I’d be the only one doing crazy things for people who would never give enough of a fuck to do it back or to act like idiots or be entirely vulnerable and honest and making someone fall in love with you is easy and flying 3000 miles on four days notice because you can’t just sit there and do nothing and breathe into telephones is not everyone’s idea of love but it is the way I can recognize it because that is what I do. Go scream it and be with her in meaningful ways because that is beautiful and that is generous and that is what loving someone is, that is raw and that is unguarded, and that is all that is worth anything, really.

Harvey Milk said this decades ago but it has never felt more relevant to how we live our lives today. When did we become so afraid to love someone with vulnerability? When did we become so fearful of spilling our guts and being who we are? It sounds corny but it’s true. A few months ago, after a long time of doing the elaborate modern dance and keeping my feelings in, I let them out at 5 a.m. to someone and it didn’t go well. I could see this person make the switch in his mind. I was the “crazy emotional” one now. I told the truth and I was going to pay for my sins.

We need to move away from this constant need of coming across as calm, cool and collected. WE WEREN’T BUILT TO BE CALM, COOL, AND COLLECTED. If we were, it wouldn’t feel so fucking exhausting all the time. It would, you know, come naturally to us. You know what comes naturally to human beings though? Being open, being messy, being raw, being unfiltered, having lots of feelings. Why should we have to stifle our true nature? Let’s go after the things we want, let’s love each other brutally and honestly, and not worry about the consequences. Let’s release the feelings inside of us and let them land somewhere special. Otherwise, we might have a lifetime of longing in front of us. 

How brutally true about how the society have shaped us. 

Live a life that tells other how to live.

"NFTB"

You're the one I love and cherish, even though we might not be connecting at a level that we desire. 

NFTB

In the events of today, I thought I would do better or at least be better, yet I failed.

What a way to start this year.

NFTB

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能认识你们因该是我上辈子修来的福，超级怀念每天早餐都可以跟你们分享的时光。

NFTB
Happy 2013.