Have you ever thought of ending your life?

I have, and the thought of killing myself has popped up more than before.

Just because of I can't find a particular reason for myself to live longer this particular moment, it doesn't mean that I wouldn't find one in the future.

With the theory above, it leads down to one thing, having faith.

Currently, I have no faith, no to believe in anything, or at least, I don't know what to believe.

To live, is to see what on the other end of life....?

I don't know, what if that end is nothing, plain nothing?

I really don't know what to do now.

Mass media is one of the reason I find why am I so unbalanced.

Maybe killing oneself is not such a great idea, how about one happened to be in an accident?

Would that makes things easier?

As in, it just happen within a snap, and you're dead.

Hmm. That's fast enough.

Who am I?

Can't find the purpose of living no more, can I die?

When you're caught up with all the stress, and you've got no where to turn to,

I finally knew why a lot of American homosexual teens killed themselves, which turns out to have all these "it gets better campaign".

I've never felt lonelier than what I'm feeling.

I'm no longer a part of school. so it makes me no longer a part of anything.

Friends?

Family?

I shut down myself from them, for some reasons.

Tears dripped, as I was writing this piece, I had no idea why it did.

I'm too lost, lost till a certain level, I think life is pointless.

Face it, I'm homosexual, I'm not gonna end up attached with kids.

So where's the point of living?

The luxurious life?

I rather die now than go out hunting for money for the rest of my life.

People that I used to think that will be there, are no longer there.

"NFTB"

Random Maximus

Dear blog, I know I've not been writing for ages, well, I intended to write something in those nights where I find myself really really lost, and wanting something to make yourself feel useful in this world, but yet, my ass is too big to move, so I'm still in the progress of thinking, rather than doing. LOL! But anyway, since now I have tons of time on my hand while being in Mid Valley with 63% of battery left, I'm gonna write about everything that I've been through, for the past weeks. =)

To start off, GRADUATION.

YEAH! I have officially graduated from secondary high, which is the happiest moment of my 18 years of life, which I'm saying goodbye to the typical secondary society that I've been living in for the past 6 years, and yet it's time for me to fly off to experience this world of unknowns.

Just so to let myself remember in 20 years time, I did cry in the ceremony, but I just hold myself back, especially seeing my chemistry teacher *awwww*, other than that I was really happy about graduating. I kept my cool till the gate, until I saw a whole bunch of HHSB mates, and I just burst out in tears, while hugging WanJie. Well, it's a total different story between school friends and band mates. Band mates are more of a friends that have age differences gathered together and play music, while playing music, we learn to live together, plus, don't forget the never ending practices/rehearsals/sectionals that we have to attend. To cut it short, we're closer than we think we are. =)

2. Graduation trip

It was loads of fun hanging out with Harmony peeps, I mean, we've been through a lot, like a lot, don't remind me of the drama. LOL. I'm grateful for being a part of the Harmony peeps, I've grown in the environment, I've learnt a lot from people that I've encountered with, plus, friends that you would want to have for the rest of your life.

Thank you all. =)

3. Prom Night

To be honest, I never wanted to go, but since the host is PeiSan and Betty, well I've got to show face. I tried to enjoy the night with the Harmony peeps regardless of the lousy food and music, I didn't say anything, until I got poured water at for nothing.

So let me explain, when the event went to the last section which is the dancing part, well, they could have just put on some clubbing mix or something for everyone to dance and have fun, but no, they put on waka waka, I think, and expect everyone to dance the same thing, hello, this is not flash mob rehearsal ok? Anyway, then some idiots started with the water playing, which after I knew, I moved myself to a save area which is really far away from the water playing area. While I was holding my phone, a lil posing, some bastard poured water at my area, which I ended up to be wet, and then I broke.

I'm actually really ANGRY regarding what happen to me. I did pay for RM50 for the enterence fee, do you know what is a RM50 bill capable of?

In conclusion, PROM NIGHT SUCKS!

LOUSY FOOD, LOUSY MUSIC, LOUSY CROWD.

Well, I never wanted to say this or post this out, but after getting poured water at, hell no.

As I've said on facebook.

I only have one life, if I don't speak up for myself, who would?

I gave my face by paying RM50 to show up the event, please don't blame me for not giving face, you're not the one who got poured.

End of discussion.

4. The future?

Hmm. Well, I might need to hunt for a job soon, besides that, there's an up coming concert at KLPac from 17th to 19th of December. We're playing Nutcraker by Tchaikovsky.

I seriously need to practice more eh, my technical skills had dropped a lot. =(

Oh well, I guess music to me is really not a thing in my future. =(

5. Uni

Everyone is like asking this, I'm a lil afraid when people asks this, cause I'm not even sure myself.

The options are between

Mass Comm? Econ/Finance? Sociology? Music?

and then it comes the 2nd question, WHERE?

This is such a pain in the ass, figuring out what to study. =S

Oh well, the dramas of life.

"NFTB"

I'm gonna go out later and I won't be home for another 5 days?

Yeap.

I'M GOING ON MY GRADUATION TRIP. =)

Yeah, it's the first time going on a school trip rather than band trips.

I'm actually quite looking forward in hanging out with my friends as it's the last time we're gonna hang together before everything REALLY drifts apart.

Later going to Jusco BKT for Greenbox. hehe..

Anyway, I need to go do my last minute packing, as some stuff are still not stuffed inside the bag yet.

Lastly,

HAPPY BIRTH TO MR. LUFFY CHEN WEI KEAT. =)

"nftb"

Why do we blog?

We blog, because it's fun.

We blog, because it's the only time that you face whatever you're feeling, no matter you're sad or happy, you just write everything down.

We blog, because we want people to give concern.

We blog, because someone may like you for who you are rather than just a picture of muscles.

We blog, because we're bored. =P

We blog, as things are unorganized, it's a way to make it organized.

We blog, etc.

Can't think of anymore.

This is just too random, never thought it through while writing it.

Oh well.

"NFTB"

I'm overwhelmed by feelings that I can't really describe.

1. I'm GRADUATING tomorrow. =)

2. I wanna play my online game, but someone is watching pps. phuck. =(

3. I'm desperate for the things that aren't necessary.

4. I'm about to explode soon. phuck phuck phuck phuck.

Off to bed.

"NFTB"

Dear blog, I know I've not been blogging much, it's mostly because I'll be dead tired whenever I'm facing you, and it's usually from all the after-exam activities that are going on right now.

It's up to a certain degree that life is just really beautiful right now, as everything is moving at such a fast pace that you can never get every little detail in the picture, but yet, not every little detail is good, so, I would want life to be in this speed, where I think I can sure live life to the fullest without any regret or what so ever.

Anyhow, I'm up so early because I need to be at the volleyball court by 7am, which I highly think that I'm gonna be late. =P

Today's the finals, so all the best to my fellow harmony volleyman. =)

"NFTB"

Alright, I promise I'll blog more eh. =)