I'm so afraid of not being able to sleep at night and it's not funny anymore.
Thoughts, endlessly running through my mind.
I am really afraid.
So afraid that I think sleeping pills is the next option ahead.
NFTB
Friday, December 28, 2012
Tuesday, December 25, 2012
Of the sound of ice blending, the small talks that people do while tapping on their phones, the people trying to catch a read even the environment is so noisy, the people like me tapping on their laptop as if there's really anything to do on their laptop.
Well, I guess this is what keep me sane, knowing the fact that I'm part of of this world, knowing this makes me feel alive and the loneliness seems to dim away.
I guess when you've been at home, in your own room, looking at the same wall for quite some time, you tend to feel lonely, feel as if there aren't any reasons for you to be alive, as you wake up in noon, have lunch, sit in front of the laptop, watch a movie, drama, manga, play a few rounds of LoL, or DN. In the very end it just gets you down.
Sitting in a crowded Starbucks, did the cheapskate thing of hogging a place to sit with my awesome black sigg bottle, looking at what other people are doing makes me feel happy, I think?
I guess it's the fact that being here in this Starbucks, looking at all these people, thinking that our lives have this overlap that all of us are now sitting in this Starbucks doing what we are doing, this seems kinda awesome, no?
Actually I don't really know what messages am I trying tot convey.
Hands on the keyboard typing while the eyes are looking around at what the other people are doing.
Trying to feel inspired, I think?
And Merry Christmas by the way.
May the end of the world shit come later, like a lot later in life.
"NFTB"
I'm excited for Les Miserable!
Well, I guess this is what keep me sane, knowing the fact that I'm part of of this world, knowing this makes me feel alive and the loneliness seems to dim away.
I guess when you've been at home, in your own room, looking at the same wall for quite some time, you tend to feel lonely, feel as if there aren't any reasons for you to be alive, as you wake up in noon, have lunch, sit in front of the laptop, watch a movie, drama, manga, play a few rounds of LoL, or DN. In the very end it just gets you down.
Sitting in a crowded Starbucks, did the cheapskate thing of hogging a place to sit with my awesome black sigg bottle, looking at what other people are doing makes me feel happy, I think?
I guess it's the fact that being here in this Starbucks, looking at all these people, thinking that our lives have this overlap that all of us are now sitting in this Starbucks doing what we are doing, this seems kinda awesome, no?
Actually I don't really know what messages am I trying tot convey.
Hands on the keyboard typing while the eyes are looking around at what the other people are doing.
Trying to feel inspired, I think?
And Merry Christmas by the way.
May the end of the world shit come later, like a lot later in life.
"NFTB"
I'm excited for Les Miserable!
Thursday, November 1, 2012
Monday, October 29, 2012
Hello blog, today I iz in a good mood, hence I am gonna blog with pictures and whatnot. hehe
First, wanna flaunt my new found addiction with Mccafe's coffee.
They really do serve decent coffee at such a cheap price, I mean it's half of a cup of starbucks. :D
Secondly, wanna welcome a new family of mine, 小牛
This is all thanks to the leng luis below.
Still finding
That's all I can find, damn you school wifi.
Anyway, thank you guys for the lovely gift. I actually love the bag a lot, just that I never thought I'll be receiving anything since my birthday was months ago. LOL.
<3 p="p">
"NFTB"
Thursday, October 25, 2012
Thursday, October 18, 2012
Monday, October 8, 2012
Finally finished this freaking assignment.
Most tedious assignment ever.
Some times I wonder if you're really there for me.
I kept telling myself that you will be there for me.
But when I turn my back, are you really there?
Hmmm
We tend to expect too much from the other party.
Why don't we start expecting things from ourselves instead the next time.
At least, there would not be any disputes when things doesn't go in favour.
"NFTB"
Most tedious assignment ever.
Some times I wonder if you're really there for me.
I kept telling myself that you will be there for me.
But when I turn my back, are you really there?
Hmmm
We tend to expect too much from the other party.
Why don't we start expecting things from ourselves instead the next time.
At least, there would not be any disputes when things doesn't go in favour.
"NFTB"
Friday, September 28, 2012
Monday, September 24, 2012
Sunday, September 23, 2012
Thursday, August 30, 2012
I am seriously fucked.
Been lying here for an hour and I don't feel a tiny bit of tiredness.
Feeling all the emotion rushing through my mind.
1. You're the one that always pushes me towards growth, but have i done anything to you that made you grow? Or have you been standing there all along to just wait for me to catch up. I don't think I can owe you that much. :(
2. I am not good in flute playing.
My grades are so Damn sucky that i have no face to tell people i want to transfer school.
Where did the old me go?
Where did the passion, the will to become better went?
I am so pathetic that the only accomplishment that I am able to get is from playing game.
What are dreams?
What am I still alive?
Someone else might deserve this life more than I do.
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Monday, August 27, 2012
It's rather frustrating to know that everyone you're closed to are leaving and you're like the only few "unlucky" ones to stuck in this god forsaken place.
But who is there to blame? Hmmm.
I still don't understand that why am I feeling frustrated about it.
Maybe I'm still staying home, in this bed room, with no proper table but a small on bed table, and a messy bed that's filled with books and bags and whatever crap.
Why?
I'm just frustrated about a lot of things and yet I'm not doing anything but sitting here complaining.
That's just so me.
Seriously FML.
"NFTB"
But who is there to blame? Hmmm.
I still don't understand that why am I feeling frustrated about it.
Maybe I'm still staying home, in this bed room, with no proper table but a small on bed table, and a messy bed that's filled with books and bags and whatever crap.
Why?
I'm just frustrated about a lot of things and yet I'm not doing anything but sitting here complaining.
That's just so me.
Seriously FML.
"NFTB"
Thursday, August 9, 2012
Taking the liberty to blog now, curbing time in a restaurant because of the peak hour.
I don't exactly know what to blog, life's been, well, like that lorh.
Fell sick and came back to life for the past 12 hours.
Later shall head home, eat dinner and sleep.
There's no excitement or what so ever.
On a random note, I am starting to love Brahms Symphony no 1.
Maybe the change of mood gives me a new prospective.
Hmmmmmmm..
Still lazy. I guess that's mostly because I am staying home, where in my mind, it's the place to rest and chill away.
Feel like moving out though.
Haiz.
"NFTB"
Randomness
I don't exactly know what to blog, life's been, well, like that lorh.
Fell sick and came back to life for the past 12 hours.
Later shall head home, eat dinner and sleep.
There's no excitement or what so ever.
On a random note, I am starting to love Brahms Symphony no 1.
Maybe the change of mood gives me a new prospective.
Hmmmmmmm..
Still lazy. I guess that's mostly because I am staying home, where in my mind, it's the place to rest and chill away.
Feel like moving out though.
Haiz.
"NFTB"
Randomness
Saturday, July 28, 2012
I have class at 11am but I have to wake up at 9am later, but screw it gonna blog first.
OMG. I iz so excited as I am currently using my new laptop to blog!
Like so so so so excited.
So, based on this fact that I have a new laptop, I shall be a good a boy and start studying like nuts.
Well, just hope that things work out okay.
Anyway, J reminded me that no matter what stage of life you are in, just do the things you want and you'll go far.
Cheers.
"NFTB"
OMG. I iz so excited as I am currently using my new laptop to blog!
Like so so so so excited.
So, based on this fact that I have a new laptop, I shall be a good a boy and start studying like nuts.
Well, just hope that things work out okay.
Anyway, J reminded me that no matter what stage of life you are in, just do the things you want and you'll go far.
Cheers.
"NFTB"
Monday, July 16, 2012
I am officially 20 now.
At times I just don't know how to deal with the things happening in my life.
As perfect as I am sealing it, it somehow find its way to haunt me.
Why am I so afraid of things?
I wasn't like this, I was bold, straight forward.
And now I don't even dare to face what's happening in my life.
Oh dear.
On the bright side, KLPac will be playing Brahms Symphony no 1 for the upcoming concert in November.
It's a tough symphony, but it's gonna push us up another level.
Oh well, look forward to the bright future, as yesterday is merely a memory.
"NFTB"
At times I just don't know how to deal with the things happening in my life.
As perfect as I am sealing it, it somehow find its way to haunt me.
Why am I so afraid of things?
I wasn't like this, I was bold, straight forward.
And now I don't even dare to face what's happening in my life.
Oh dear.
On the bright side, KLPac will be playing Brahms Symphony no 1 for the upcoming concert in November.
It's a tough symphony, but it's gonna push us up another level.
Oh well, look forward to the bright future, as yesterday is merely a memory.
"NFTB"
Oh simply things, where have you gone?
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on.
So tell me when you're gonna let me in?
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin.
If you have a minute why don't we go?
Talk about it somewhere only we know
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go, somewhere only we know.
So, why don't we go? Somewhere only we know.
Monday, July 9, 2012
Times like this I refrain myself from going to bed although I am really tired.
I can't help to feel that I am alone (financially), without any help from people around me.
Currently living on a loan that I am gonna repay in the future, and yet I am spending it like it's the money that my parents give.
I think things just go down when the pillar of the family goes.
Oh well, move and improve. No point to whine.
Thank god I am busy for this short holiday.
"NFTB"
I can't help to feel that I am alone (financially), without any help from people around me.
Currently living on a loan that I am gonna repay in the future, and yet I am spending it like it's the money that my parents give.
I think things just go down when the pillar of the family goes.
Oh well, move and improve. No point to whine.
Thank god I am busy for this short holiday.
"NFTB"
Monday, June 25, 2012
Choosing to blog at this ungodly moment of my life, which is having two exam papers in a day, ie tomorrow.
I really have no idea how am I able to pull this off. Sitting here, notes scattered around the bed, the textbook on my laps, my long friend fx-570ms and a borrowed sharp el-738, trying to figure out how the eff to do topic 7's question, which is the last one of all.
On the other hand, I have tons of space on my CISB cheat sheet, not to mention my FNI's as well.
I've practically put everything I needed there. How?
On the other note, looking at the previous me, what would I do at this time, a day before an exam.
I most probably be studying my ass off or something. But now, things just doesn't matter anymore which is quite saddening to say that I've lost the will maintain a perfect grade, not to say that my grades are good before, just when you know what's coming after this degree is either the start of slavery, or you continue study until the study loan is pilled up so high you can't even reach.
Anyway, shall continue to figure this out. Just feeling random, if not I'll continue to let this space die.
Influence makes a big difference eh?
"NFTB"
I really have no idea how am I able to pull this off. Sitting here, notes scattered around the bed, the textbook on my laps, my long friend fx-570ms and a borrowed sharp el-738, trying to figure out how the eff to do topic 7's question, which is the last one of all.
On the other hand, I have tons of space on my CISB cheat sheet, not to mention my FNI's as well.
I've practically put everything I needed there. How?
On the other note, looking at the previous me, what would I do at this time, a day before an exam.
I most probably be studying my ass off or something. But now, things just doesn't matter anymore which is quite saddening to say that I've lost the will maintain a perfect grade, not to say that my grades are good before, just when you know what's coming after this degree is either the start of slavery, or you continue study until the study loan is pilled up so high you can't even reach.
Anyway, shall continue to figure this out. Just feeling random, if not I'll continue to let this space die.
Influence makes a big difference eh?
"NFTB"
Saturday, June 2, 2012
Reached home, walked to the room.
Sister sitting in front of my laptop.
Told her i wanna use, she replied go shower first.
Mind you, its my fucking laptop.
I like my laptop not to be touched by anyone.
This is seriously pushing me towards buying a new laptop this fucking instant.
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Saturday, April 28, 2012
Saturday, April 21, 2012
You know the very desperate moment when you want to be with someone and yet that person is unattainable.
Well, I am feeling that now, and I am wondering what differences does it make when your partner is 30km away or 10000km away.
When that person is unattainable, there's simply nothing you can do.
I can't help to wonder, what have I became.
I am simply to afraid for things to fall apart.
Such dilemmas.
And so so dramatic.
Oh well, life goes on.
"NFTB"
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Friday, April 13, 2012
I bought a piccolo, because we need to play March Slav by Tchaikovsky, and so I am playing 2nd piccolo for the piece.
I should say this moves me towards another stage in my amateur flute playing life.
I am just glad, though.
Simply glad, despite the unlikely events that happened recently.
So yeah, I guess there'll always be something that cheers one up easily.
I can't wait for the quartet practice this coming Saturday evening.
Going to lecture now.
yawns.
'NFTB'
I should say this moves me towards another stage in my amateur flute playing life.
I am just glad, though.
Simply glad, despite the unlikely events that happened recently.
So yeah, I guess there'll always be something that cheers one up easily.
I can't wait for the quartet practice this coming Saturday evening.
Going to lecture now.
yawns.
'NFTB'
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Saturday, March 10, 2012
Friday, March 9, 2012
Half an hour till FnI lecture, like finally, I'm so bored sitting in this mac lab.
Went through facebook, 9gag and youtube, and so I was thinking.
There're some people that'll you meet in your life that are really proud of who they are.
They're proud in a sense that where they came from, what people are they.
Well, I couldn't help but wonder, like seriously, what is there to be proud of?
For example, a guy asked me, why you don't speak hokkien to your hokkien mates, and I was like why would I want to speak hokkien to them?
I am not ashamed that I am hokkien, just that I don't really like the language, the way that the language convey messages is somewhat a bit rude, of course it's the accent that makes it sound rude.
The thing that I stand for is that what happens in this current life matters the most.
You could be born rich, or born in the states or whatever, but that doesn't define who you are.
Regardless of where you came from, what dialect you speak, or what is your skin color.
None of that matters.
Just keep calm and live life.
"NFTB"
Went through facebook, 9gag and youtube, and so I was thinking.
There're some people that'll you meet in your life that are really proud of who they are.
They're proud in a sense that where they came from, what people are they.
Well, I couldn't help but wonder, like seriously, what is there to be proud of?
For example, a guy asked me, why you don't speak hokkien to your hokkien mates, and I was like why would I want to speak hokkien to them?
I am not ashamed that I am hokkien, just that I don't really like the language, the way that the language convey messages is somewhat a bit rude, of course it's the accent that makes it sound rude.
The thing that I stand for is that what happens in this current life matters the most.
You could be born rich, or born in the states or whatever, but that doesn't define who you are.
Regardless of where you came from, what dialect you speak, or what is your skin color.
None of that matters.
Just keep calm and live life.
"NFTB"
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Friday, March 2, 2012
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Monday, February 20, 2012
Never felt so alive.
I guess music is the thing that keeps me alive.
The audition was alright I guess.
I found out that I am a guy who plays music in a french manner, which is slow and fast.
Actually, I didn't intend to play in that manner, but I was so nervous that I was rushing against myself.
Which the conductor find it rather French.
There were so many mistakes.
But I have a feeling that I'll improve a hell lot more in this coming few months.
So, please be prepared. :D
"NFTB"
Lastly, I am now, safe and sound.
I guess music is the thing that keeps me alive.
The audition was alright I guess.
I found out that I am a guy who plays music in a french manner, which is slow and fast.
Actually, I didn't intend to play in that manner, but I was so nervous that I was rushing against myself.
Which the conductor find it rather French.
There were so many mistakes.
But I have a feeling that I'll improve a hell lot more in this coming few months.
So, please be prepared. :D
"NFTB"
Lastly, I am now, safe and sound.
Sunday, February 12, 2012
So it's one week till audition.
Well, if i don't get in, i wanna say thanks to the people who I've played with for the previous seasons.
Getting to know so many awesome friends, that ain't easy.
Comparing last week and the week before, i have improved.
I pushed myself into finding out how to improve myself.
I guess i really ought to do that more often.
I just think that if i didn't get the spot, nothing will go to waste.
So if i don't get in, i guess it's time to put the flute down and star a new instrument.
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Thursday, February 9, 2012
Sunday, February 5, 2012
Saturday, February 4, 2012
Friday, February 3, 2012
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Monday, January 30, 2012
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Monday, January 23, 2012
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Friday, January 20, 2012
Read through my blog posts.
What have i became?
What have you became?
You were right.
You said that some day my patient Will run out.
And yes you're right.
I stopped trying to cheer you up when you look sad or down when we meet.
I stopped asking you what's the problem and trying to force it out of you.
I stopped cause i know the answer Will be the same.
I stopped calling you daily.
I don't know why i stopped.
Maybe i am just afraid of getting the same answer over and over again.
And yet, i don't even have the balls to confront you about things that i am unsatisfy with.
With the series of blog posts.
I am apparently a crazy 19 year old who is simply pathetic, doesn't know how to appreciate life, only know how to complain.
And lastly, i am so damn negative.
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Thursday, January 19, 2012
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Monday, January 2, 2012
Sunday, January 1, 2012
NYE2011
Yes, today is the first day of a brand new year, 2012. Well, the Mayans claimed that the whole apocolypse thing will happen in this year, but, like seriously, who cares? If it comes, it comes, what can you really do about it?
So, yeah, went with J and his gang to KKB (Kuala Kubu Bharu). It's this small town located in Selangor, as known for the Selangor dam.
It's more of a photography trip, which I happen to just tag along. :P
It was a bright and sunny day, with a clear blue sky and a slight breeze of wind.
I just found out that the status that I wrote was not posted. OMG. :(
I think I wrote, "They do say that picture tells a thousand words, well, actually I think it's the thousand of pictures taken before the thousand words that counts!"
Something like that. LOL.
Very nice right? It's so retro.
My blue+alilpink nike bag with two water canons!
And the following are the Selangor dam.
So we went home after the viewing the dam.
Went to N's place to shower and freshen up then head to dinner.
After dinner went to P's house for games.
So it was first Jenga. Then followed by the omgitssofuntwister!
This is what you call twister-pros!
So ended up leaving P's place at 4am in the morning.
I should say it's definitely a night to remember.
Happy 2012! :D
"NFTB"
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