First and fore most, I know that I should be sleeping by now, but I can't bare this, I need to write it down.

I want to say that I'm sorry, for being the one stopping our relationship to progress, because of my stupid phone bill, which I don't really know what to do. To me, I know that you're trying very hard to make this relationship work, which it makes me feel worst. I don't know what to do. :S

I only know that I want to love you with all my heart, and hoping that you won't leave me.

I don't wanna go back to before where I didn't have any place to turn to.

"NFTB"

I'm sorry.

I always have the urge to work hard for something that I've seen.

I don't whether it's a good thing or not, but the main idea is that having a life that is being lived to the fullest without any regrets.

I want a bright future.

I wanna earn at least 10k salary a month when I reached 30.

I wanna give the people I love the life that they deserve.

I won't back down.

This is just the beginning.

"NFTB"

and sorry, I know I should be sleeping now, but I always have thoughts at time like this.

I'm really sorry.

In the middle of a humid night, I woke up, feeling frighten, tears started to fill my eyes, I hugged the person beside me, and I found out it was you.

I was scared, but that god you were beside me.

The last thing that I remembered is

me: Don't ever leave me.

then I woke up, it was 7am this morning.

"NFTB"

Dear JC.

I'm grateful to have you in my life as you're always concerned about what's going on with my life,

even the slightest blog post about my random mumblings you would call and ask about what's going on with me.

I wanna thank you, for everything you've done for me.

"NFTB"

I know I should be sleeping already, but I've gotta write this before I sleep.

Thanks.

I'm stressed, like seriously.

I don't know why am I so stressed.

First come the financial issue where I have no where to turn except for you.

Then come the course choosing issue.

I really don't know what to do.

I guess I've to give up what's in front of me in other to satisfy what I want now.

I really hate this.

"NFTB"

I guess I'm really stressed out about this whole phone/finance issue.

Whenever I'm at work, I'll keep on thinking about money.

Damn it, why am I bothered by this?

It's up to a point that I don't even know why do I need to pay for my own phone bill.

Technically I'm still underage, whereby you still need to pay for me.

Now, I need to buy my own cloths, pay my own bills.

Seriously, what the fuck is with that.

I haven't change a new bag for the past 3 years.

I haven't change a new wallet for the past 3 years.

I haven't change a new watch for the past 3 years.

I haven't change a new pair of shoes for the past 2 year, not mentioning the one that got stolen.

What the hell is wrong?

I don't get this at all.

"NFTB"

I've said the things that have been on my mind for quite some time, and finally today I've said it.

I feel good, but my only concern is only hoping that things wouldn't fall apart.

I'm sorry, for being stubborn, for acting in ways that you're really worried about.

I'm sorry, I'll change.

I don't want myself to be a burden to you.

Give me time.

"NFTB"