別說你還好
沒什麼不好 你就怨日子枯燥
沒什麼煩惱 恐怕就想到 什麼生存意義想到沒完沒了
你給我聽好 想哭就要笑
其實你知道煩惱會解決煩惱




NFTB.

I think this is the most depressed state that I have ever been in.
I'm depressed for no particular reasons and this shitty feeling that I'm feeling is eating me, slowly.

I was late for work two weeks straight.
I don't feel like talking to anyone when i get into work.
I can barely wake up in the morning.
I feel like slapping everyone.
Hanging out the guys doesn't even help.

I just hate the need to justify myself to myself.
Tell myself that things are like this because of these theses and that.
It's just an endless cycle of self belittling.

Maybe this is the sign that I need to turn to some religion for an answer, an answer of all these shitty feeling that I feel.
Or maybe I am this unhappy because of the choices I've made.
Thinking that what was right back then now seem so wrong.

"NFTB"
I believe there's no right or wrong, just a matter of perception at the moment.

I like how we have become nowadays, or at least how I have become, to possess the incapability of writing an essay, or short paragraphs when I am not forced to.

To be honest, I hate it. 

I guess this mostly originate from my secondary school, even though it's a good school, but it taught me nothing about wanting to do something because you want to instead of  you're being forced to, but not really forced in some manner. 

And I've been restricted to 140 words tweets, pointless facebook status ramble. 

So, here I am, sitting here, wondering what happened to that guy that was capable of writing a 600 words to 1000 words essay in a mere 2 hours. 

Essays about life, about the environment or even about ridiculous stories that doesn't even make any fucking sense. 

I hate for fact that facebook and instagram defines who we are.

I hate for fact that I am not longer part of something musical.

I hate for fact my job is draining every little piece of my creativity.

I hate for fact that I've been dwelling on the same issue over and over.

Let's dedicate this post as the last time of speaking of such issues.

Cause we all know in a year's or two's time we wouldn't even feel anything.

NFTB

I guess it sucks to be an INTP living in this current society.
I remember my colleague asked me the other day, how long would I need to take to get over something?
I replied something, you'll eventually get over it, or you just get so frustrated about it and then you feel numb.

And I sit here, with thoughts running all over my head like some lil piece shit running around in H&M.
deleting and typing over and over.

What's the point of all these?

I do feel sorry, for the fact I am such a horrible person that I can't find that ounce of motivation in this pathetic body of mine.

But what have happened, happened.

As much I want to go back to whatever it was back then, I just can't.

Maybe for fact that I just wanted to go along with you cause if I don't there comes the arguments which I don't wanna face.

And along that line, I don't know who I am anymore. I can't see the person I wanna be anymore.

I just wanna close my eyes, roll into a ball, and fade into nothingness.


NFTB

To be honest, I have never thought of myself making it this far in life.

I always thought that life would somewhat end on this random day where I was sitting in class, or something.

But since I'm already here, it feels relatively weird.

Things feel unreal, yet they are real.

I guess this is the part of growing up that I have yet to experience.

And by the way, the thought of needing to present yourself to your future employer sorts of frighten me?

Which I don't really understand why, cause during the day I'm like, yeah, no problem, just go in, sit down have a chat with someone you barely know, and try to sell yourself and wish that he/she would eventually employ you?

But during the wee minutes before dozing of, the fear of being judge haunts me.

Oh well.

Even the fact that friends that used to meet up on a daily basis no longer meets up.

I guess it's part of the growing process.

NFTB

I hate it when you wanna do something and money becomes the main constraint.

I have heard too much stories of how parents making the wrong investment on the wrong children.

Why can't someone invest in me.

Like just for once, I wanna go on a trip where I don't have to pay for anything.

Just for once, it's enough.

I guess we eventually will move on from things, either we want to or not.
It's a matter a fact that us, simply human beings, being able to adapt to whatever scenario and eventually move to a new equilibrium where life is at peace.

Let the past make peace with the present.

And hope that all is and will be well.

After all, what can we possibly do?


"NFTB"