To this gonna-break-up family.

Just do what your heart wants to you to do.

We kids, don't have a say in anything.

So stop questioning.

'NFTB'

Never thought of this day would came, like seriously.

I'm doing really good at coping with the crappy emo.

Well, since you're online and I did not talk to you.

To me, that's like really really hard, but hey, I did not talk to you.

=)

Yeah! Hurray for me!

'NFTB'

Got a new pair of glasses.

erm. nothing more to that.

To sum up how I feel right now.

Dear mother, I am really disappointed with you.

You've been smoking behind our backs for quite some time and we did not say anything cause we respect you, and yet you're now drinking alcohol drinks outside.

Seriously, what the hell is wrong with you.

YOU'RE A MOTHER.

Should I even call you mom right now?

I know you're going through a lot, but doing what the hell you're doing right now doesn't help.

It's making things worst.

I don't wanna see you die because of lung cancer or car accident.

Seriously, I don't, but under the current situation I highly doubt that.

You were a really good mother, but now, not anymore.

'NFTB'

I don't really think I need to explain how crappy I feel.

Since it's the same everyday, why bother?

I think I might to become a gigolo that sells sex.

So like that I don't really need to be worried about what the hell I'm studying right now.

It's lousy, I know.

It's just a random thought, things could happen, who knows?

And to my mum and dad.

Whatever happen, it's not to my decision whether you guys wanna get divorce or not.

If you find this marriage is not working anymore, then divorce larh, whatcha waiting for.?

Stop giving me and my sis pressure.

We already have problem of our own.

"NFTB"

really xianness

Gonna hit 1am soon, and I'm still having WanJie's laptop on my lap.

Well, I don't feel like sleeping.

Yeah, that's weird.

It's just that, from a point of not sleeping and trying to cope with my emo.

I just want to be immune to it, like I used to.

Yeah, that's why I've been not sleeping that much.

Life's all messed up right now.

I'm so gonna screw up my UEC.

Then goodbye NTU. Goodbye Singapore.

Goodbye my so called dream.

Goodbye to everything I wanted.

Everything's going to the trash, and so for me.

You know, what's the worst part of all of this crap.

You never asked.

So, just let it be.

My personality of kindness and patients will see through all of this without caring what I really want.

So yeah, I'm an idiot.

"NFTB"

现在开学=等死吗？

Oh hell yeah I freaking feel as if school reopening is like jumping off a cliff.

I've got tons of things that I need to do in this holiday and I've not done all of it.

Anyway, not gonna write this boring blog about how much I miss you.

It's just boring, and well, at least I tried moving on, but things just didn't happen like what happened to us.

From a point, maybe it's fated that I can't move on.

Cause maybe you're the one for me, or no?

Who knows.

But it just sucks, when you're all lonely up inside and you've got no one to turn to.

And emo attacks are sooooo damn killing.

"NFTB"

Just had my haircut and going to shower then head to Damansara for dinner.

"We are so afraid of every little step we take, yet we are so willingly to take that step forward."

A line that came to me, randomly.

To sum up my thoughts.

I've gotta take whatever coming, cause it's how I'm gonna learn from what's right and wrong.

I've made a bad decision, which made me realize that the only people I can rely on are my family and friends.

On the other hand, I felt like a used plastic spoon, being throw away.

Well, since this is not the first time, there's nothing to say much.

So, from now onwards.

Just be myself, ok?

Well, at least don't let your friends and family down.

"NFTB"

Been not blogging for the longest time, I think?

LOL.

Went through lots of things.

Well, I don't complain about it, I kinda enjoyed every second of those "busy" moments.

I'm so called "free" this week.

Gotta wake up early and head to my sis's uni's library to study and do my holiday assignments which I only have 6 more days to complete that huge pile of crap.

Argh..

Where's the fun of learning when there is exams.

Oh, and this morning when I woke up.

I felt damn weird, cause there's no more practices.

gosh, I'm graduating soon..

"NFTB"

Off to bed now.

Big day ahead. =)

WHOAH!

NEW LAYOUT!

Finally.

"NFTB"

Coping with whatever crap I've created.

So, no biggie.

SOLO CONCERT in 3 DAYS!!!!

OH GAWD.

So gonna die.

"NFTB"

You left.

Watching you leaving is like hell.

It's like a suffocating for no reason.

Tears just drip out without any hesitation.

The thing I was wondering about before you're here.

Yeah, I'm still in that phase.

And with you coming over makes me realize it even more.

It's obvious.

I can't avoid it, and I don't see why should I do that any more.

"NFTB"
I love you.

Oh gosh, look at the time now.

I have school tomorrow, and I'm still awake.

To sum up the thoughts

Am I still in love with you?

I think this is the main question that leads to all the unneeded panicking.

Xian-ness.

"NFTB"