何谓现在这时段的痛苦？

看着课本

看着考题

就是痛苦

感觉就像 把自己的头 砸在地上

不停的砸， 砸到脑浆爆出来为此

金华老师所谓的尽力

就算拿个30分， 也较尽力

理科老师所谓的尽力

拿A才算吧尽力吧？

我不否认我很弱

人笨过猪就算了

努力也不过只有那两三下

怎么跟别人斗阿？

要放弃，又放不下

读书到底要来干嘛？

它，能吃的吗？

"NFTB"

Hmmm.

I wondering.

I have this headache which it's aching on the top of my head.

Is it the coffee or it's the knowledge that I'm trying to stuff into my lousy brain?

Hmm.

I bet it's the knowledge.

"NFTB"

One of the best flute orchestra I heard.

The harmony, the purity.

Really, it's to die for.

@_@

Man, I wanna start practicing again.

Anyway, while was eating dinner just now,

something occurred to me.

If I were given the chance to choose what I would want to do now.

What would it be?

Would it be music? Or would it be the other stuff that I had in mind?

Moving on, if I chose music, would I be complaining the same things as I am doing it now?

I really don't know.

Maybe I'll suffer, but I'll suffer with joy which is totally different from what I'm dealing with right now.

By far it seems that this is a circle.

A circle of the things you want but you couldn't get and when you got it you starts to complain about it.

Hmmm.

I do not want to become a person like that.

'NFTB'

Off to study.

What is studying all about?

Do we study for the knowledge?

Or we're just studying for the results?

I'm more to studying for the results.

As I was raised by a realistic mother, everything was about money.

I was told to be good at study so that I could get good grades which leads to scholarships and excellent universities.

But, what's the point?

When you get older, your brain starts to think on it's own.

Well, basically that's your thoughts.

And you found out that actually some issues that your parents told you are totally crap.

And yet you can't do anything about it, and you just say yes to whatever your mum tells you.

Argh.

Yesterday, during my bm paper.

A teacher came and told me if I'm still wearing low cut socks the next exam, she's gonna kick me out.

Hmmm, and I thought.

It's an exam, does your appearance affects anything?

I was a little pissed off for one sec, but then I realized that I should not be effected just because she's a walking mimic.

Sometimes, you find that some school rules which are totally brainless and doesn't effect your studies but the school are still embracing it.

What the hell.

Should I care more.

'NFTB'

Hmmm.

Well, I'm actually better from where I was.

So, screw all the things that brought me down.

=)

"NFTB"

I'm really happy, mentally, not physically.

You are the one who made me feel this way.

Thank you, really, thank you.

It's been a long time since I felt this way.

Maybe things will turn out to be something good, who knows?

Well, it might turn out to be something bad, but hope exist in every situation.

So, might as well think of the good side.

'NFTB'

Off to school now. =)